still not in the mood

Its been 4 days since i last updated my blog.I am okay,insyaallah,just tired and still not in the mood to write.There is so many things i want to write about but just cannot find the mood to do it.Tomorrow Friday,is travel to K.L. day for the races this weekend ,and all flights are full,so its going to be a long drive (PENANG-KL)FRI-SUN.Inyaallah,next week,i will write with what has been bothering my emotions.Whatever it is i am not going to let it get me down,i am thankful to GOD ALMIGHTY that i am still strong in my mind only a little tired.GOD BLESS and AMEEN.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR OF THE OX

Leaving for SLTC CHINESE NEW YEAR MEETING 09.today and will be back on TUESDAY.27TH JAN09.
I take this opportunity,to wish all my Chinese friends,HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR.Let us live in peace and harmony and pray god almighty,insyaallah,that our beloved MALAYSIA AND MALAYSIANS,IRRESPECTIVE OF RACE, CULTURE AND RELIGION LIVE IN PEACE AND PROSPERITY ALWAYS.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

tuesday SCAN results

Thank God Almighty,the results was as good as can be,nothing new can be seen from the scan.Now its recovery time insyaallah.all will be well.There is a lot of do's and dont's when you are a CANCER survivor.The treatment according to both ONCOLOGIST are completed and successful.I am happy and relieved but much has happened this last few days that i have no mood to write my blog,hence the delay.I have been running around since TUESDAY 20TH JANUARY 09.driving to Ipoh straight after my scan results to visit a dear dear friend who was injured in a senseless,barbaric attack by unknown assailants.Thank God ,he will recover,purely because GOD protects a good man and he is one of the best i have known in my life,insyaallah he will recover and be back working soon.I pray that he will get over this episode and move on and i promised him that i will be there for him at all times just as he was there for me in my time of need.Insyaallah,God Bless and Ameen.

day trip for pro/am KL.

SATURDAY 17TH JANUARY 09,Got up at 530am and got ready to catch the 8am flight to K.L.Arrived SLTC at 945am and had breakfast with my colleague SLK,at the security chief's office and reported for duty for the day.All went smoothly and returned by the 8pm flight.Arrived home by 10pm.I felt some numbness in my legs maybe due to being on my feet most of the day.A little rest on SUNDAY,will insyaallah,be better.Monday 19th jan09 will be my day at the hospital for a complete CT SCAN. INSYAALLAH there will be nothing to worry about.I am putting on a little extra weight now that my taste buds is slowly but surely coming back to normal.Oh! how nice to taste all the food i enjoyed and miss for the last six months.But now must not get carried away with eating,(control, control).Family and friends, please, keep praying for me and for all in the world so that sufferings can be remove and all be able to live happily and in good health and peace.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

NEVER ALONE

Throughout my 6 months of treatment,i never felt alone. My wife INA,was my constant companion and my children was always there whenever needed.My family and close friends also rallied round me, all the time encouraging me.I made many friends in the hospital,most in worst condition than me.We encouraged and prayed for each other.At no time was there racial divide,religious barrier or material distinction.We were just there for each other as human beings in need of support.What happens now,after i had completed my treatment? The question playing constantly in my mind.There is a feeling of relieved,freedom,yet stifled by the fact that with cancer,there are no guarantees.I now feel a desire to lend a support to fellow cancer patients,hence my frequent visits to the hospital even after i had completed my treatment.I hope to be able to to share my experiences of my own battle with fellow patients,so that they too can be encouraged to push on.Appreciation is the key word when battling with any kind of sickness,insyaallah,god almighty will give you the strength to overcome.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

back from active duties in ipoh

Part of my team another 8 not in the picture including my 2 able assistants.
The Perak Turf Club race track.

Thank GOD Almighty i went back to active duties for the first time after 6 months without any health problems.The treatments side effects did not hinder my working and i was able to finish my assignments satisfactorily insyaALLAH.There were some work related problems concerning my team which resulted in a member of my team being suspended for three months.Its a sad episode for the team but attribute this to work hazard.Whatever the mistake made by this team member is in good faith and we will await his return to the team in APRIL 09 when his suspension ends.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

MY FAVOURITE QUOTES

Received an interesting email from a friend and could not resist putting up 2 of my favourites.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

IF ONLY WE CAN TURN BACK THE CLOCK

me 3 years old,many many,many.... moon ago.

As of 26th December 2008, i am no longer being treated for CANCER,and i am ready to move on with my life,INSYAALLAH,completing treatment can be with mixed feelings,stressful,exciting,relieved,happy and anxious.For six months my life has been about hospitals,side effects,scans,xrays,blood test,chemo,radiation,loss of taste,loss of hair,medications, injections,proper diet,fruit juices,vegetables,not sleeping well,stay away from viruses,blood counts,white cells,red cells,doctors, nurses and more cancer patients.All this has become an important part of my life.My body and spirit is tired,it has been a long time during this journey that i could just relax.My body has been assaulted by CANCER and its TREATMENT.My outlook and my whole way of life has changed,at least for a time.I want to believe its over and put it all behind me,but can i?The fear still grips me,but i am determined to live my life to the fullest and make each day as if its my last and enjoy the quality of life and that my mind is strong to think that yes, yes, i can turn back the clock ,INSYAALLAH.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

BACK FROM IPOH RACES

1O Days without treatment, after 6 months what a big relieve,except for the burn marks on my ear and neck,the peeling of the skin,where radiation was focused,nothing else seems to be bothering me,INSYAALLAH.The taste buds are slowly but surely coming back.i can nearly taste again after six months of forcing to eat to keep the strength.
I remember my first chemo session,staring at the ceiling and trying very hard not to cry.I keep asking how could this have happened?Yet as all other things that happens in life,happens and suddenly it dawns to me its happening to me.CHEMO AND RADIATION the treatment for my kind of illness has instilled in me that COPING WITH LIFE AND UNDERGOING TREATMENT FOR BIG C IS TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH.......AND ONE GOTTA FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT........ALL THIS TIME NOT FORGETTING IT CAN TAKE AWAY MY TASTE,MY HAIR,MY PHYSICAL WELLNESS,MY MOOD BUT ONE THING I WAS DETERMINED NOT TO LET IT TAKE AWAY WAS MY MIND and thank the almighty and insyaallah i managed to hang on to it.
I set out on a six month course of treatment as explained by my oncologist DR K.W. LEONG .I started to write to take away some pain.Little did i know that my blog,intended to keep family and friends informed would find new friends,family that i never knew exist and readers all across the country and even the world.My journey became our journey with treatment ending on boxing day 08.Insyaallah,2009 starts a new chapter in my book of life and the pages be filled with good things.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

FEELING PHILOSOPHICAL AGAIN

With the new year,i am feeling philosophical again.Whilst fighting my illness,i learned that when i am awake in the morning i am thankful to the almighty and that if i didn't learn a lot before i sleep,at least i learned a little, if i am already sick at least i am still alive,so i am thankful.Do not overrate what you have received nor envy others.He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.Words have the power to both destroy and heal.When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.Do not dwell in the past,do not dream of the future,concentrate the mind on the present moment.Use and train the mind to get what you want, instead of letting the mind to use you to get what the mind wants.THINK ABOUT IT......INSYAALLAH, GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

12.01a.m 1st jan 2009

Me at gurney drive the time 12.01 am 1st Jan 2009

Ushering in 2009 at gurney drive was quite an experience,with the crowd all seem to be happy to let go of 2008,none as happy as me as 2008 has been a difficult year for me fighting my illness with CHEMOTHERAPY AND RADIATION.THE ILLNESS HAS MADE ME STRONGER,the path was long WITH DARK TUNNELS AND OBSTACLES,but i walked it with a song,there were fears and tears but i had reasons for cheers,like when the chemo finished,then the radiation finished,all this I THANK THE ALMIGHTY FOR THE STRENGTH.for now its recovery time and 2009 will see INSYAALLAH a healthy me.For my families and friends who prayed for my recovery all i can say is NEW YEAR COMES AND GO,PIECES OF TIME ALL IN A ROW,AS I LIVED EVERY SECOND AND MINUTE,I KNOW I AM PRIVILEGED TO HAVE YOU IN IT,MY APPRECIATION NEVER ENDS,FOR MY GREATEST BLESSINGS IS KNOWING YOU IN MY LIFE,GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009

HERE'S WISHING FAMILIES AND FRIENDS A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009
Here's to a bright New Year,and a farewell to the old,here's to the good things coming and to the memories that we hold,we will now open a new book and the pages are blank.We are going to put words in them.The book is called a new beginning and the First chapter is NEW YEAR'S DAY.INSYAALLAH,2009 will be the start of good tidings to come and good health,happiness and wealth for all. GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

No more treatment week starts today

THANK GOD ALLAHSWT,the treatment for my illness is over for now and forever,insyaALLAH.From the day of my operation till now has been six months.2008 has been a bad year for me,having gone thru CHEMOTHERAPY AND RADIATION.Both treatment is very difficult and has its own side effects which is really difficult to tolerate.The burned marks on my neck and ears are enough to remind me of the pain and hurt that i experienced during treatment.My taste buds is only 70% back and i still have pain from the dryness and peeling of my skin in the neck where the radiation was targeted.Even sleeping has been difficult.My hair is starting to grow.I am cleared for active duties wef 5th JAN 09.and i am really looking forward to it.I pray that my scan due on the 19th jan 09 will be cleared and i will be in remission,the word remission is used for cancer patients when they recover and shows no sign of cancer cells after treatment.INSYAALLAH,families and friends please don't stop the prayers.and i am forever grateful to all of you for the strength and support given to me during my illness. I will continue to update my blog on the progress of my recovery. GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

The Last day of treatment 2008

Clearance Letter from my oncologist DR LEONG KIN WAH,that i can go back to active duty on the5th jan09

My radiation treatment card fully stamp 26 times with 3 extra totalling 29 times zap

Me and my radiation LA2 Team really professional.

The last zap note the blackened ear and reddish neck area.

26TH DECEMBER is always known thru out the world as boxing day,and INSYAALLAH,i gave my opponent the BIG C a hard left and right combination punch so hard that we all pray that its a knockout and that the big C will never get up again period.... How relieve i am to have finished my therapy combo of CHEMO AND RADIATION.Finally, come what may in the future but for now,the long,dark and scary tunnel that i journeyed thru has reach the end and i can see the bright and sunny blue skies for now and INSYAALLAH.forever.THANK YOU FAMILIES AND FRIENDS FOR PRAYING AND PLEASE DONT STOP PRAYING FOR ME AND FOR ALL WHO NEED IT. GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

christmas eve and only one more zap to go

Today,i went to MT MIRIAM for my 28th zap and tomorrow being a public holiday for Christmas day,no zap till Friday which will be my last zap (29 in total).I just cannot wait for the last zap and to come out of the dark tunnel i went thru for 6 long months of this year.INSYAALLAH,from then on its blue skies and clear days to come.
I take this opportunity to wish all my friends celebrating CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS ALL THE VERY BEST AND IF THIS FESTIVE SEASON THE ALMIGHTY ALLOWS YOUR FRIENDS TO SHARE YOUR JOY AND PAIN PLEASE,PLEASE COUNT ME IN.HAPPY HOLIDAYS

BONUS ZAPS ONE DOWN TWO TO GO

The blue skies i pray will come soon after my journey thru the dark tunnel.


Today i went to MT MIRIAM for the start of my three bonus zaps.My right ear has started to blacken from the radiation burns and my right side neck also starts to show signs of the radiation treatment.The skin is starting to dry up and peel off.The only way to cool the skin is by applying the cream given by my doctor.Its not too bad and i can still tolerate,after all its only 2 to go,after being burned at the same spot for 27 times every MONDAY TO FRIDAY for the last 6weeks,and before that CHEMOTHERAPY POISONING MY ENTIRE BODY killing any cells that move faster than it should and not knowing if its good cells or bad cells. I must admit i have tolerated it very well.The journey thru the dark tunnel is nearly reaching the other side and then insyaallah it will be blue skies all the way.Insyaallah,the treatment cannot finish before CHRISTMAS,but will finish before the NEW YEAR,GOD WILLING. I will write my blog for the new year with only good news INSYAALLAH. Before i close this year blog i will write and tell all my families and friends how their prayers pulled me thru this 6 months of hell,pain and suffering emotionally and physically.It was not easy believe me it was hell on earth.But again, there are people suffering more than me,and i pray GOD IN HIS INFINITE MERCY REMOVE ALL PAIN IN THIS WORLD FOR EVERYONE and i thank GOD for this experience and for making me stronger to see the rest of my life out.Don't stop the prayers the fight is forever as long as i am on GOD EARTH ITS STILL VERY CHALLENGING,the real world starts after this world ends.GOD BLESS

zap bonus 3 more times

Today after waiting for 3 hours at the hospital,i was told the radiation will continue for 3 more times and will definitely ends on FRIDAY 26TH DEC 08,and the CT scan of my whole body will be on the 19th january 09 to see if i can be called in remission,the word in remission is used for cancer patient recovering from their illness as cure is never used to refer cancer patient.
Insyaallah all will be well and the long,dark, frightening journey will come to a happy ending.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

MY SON AFTER WINNING THE BAGAN JERMAL CLOSE BADMINTON TOURNAMENT DOUBLES 2008.


My son Mohd Josh decided only yesterday to enter the badminton tournament after not having any practice at all and having lay off badminton for almost a year as he was concentrating on his exams and his first love sports which is equestrian.I am very happy that he came out tops and won the trophy.I am well after the weekend races at Penang,and will be ready for my 26th zap tomorrow and if needed, the additional zaps. I will know tomorrow after meeting my doctor at MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL.InsyaALLAH,all treatment will end before the NEW YEAR.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

25th zap thursday 18th dec 08

Today is the 25th zap and my meeting with DATO DR ZAATAR and the radiation team.Decision was that MONDAY 22nd Dec will be my 26th zap and after evaluation of the team by calculating the doses,will then decide if i should have my final leg of radiation treatment with a bonus of 3 or 4 more ZAPS.Well its the time of the year for bonuses,so i wont be surprise if i still have to do the extra zaps.Come what may i know its the final leg of my journey to recovery and a few days delay wont get me down insyaallah.Family and friends keep praying for me,GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

MY SON JOSH NOW A GROWN UP

My youngest son Mohd Josh who is enjoying his school holidays has just return from a trip to K.L.He rang me at 445am this morning from the Butterworth train station to pick him up at the ferry terminal.He took the night train from K.L.after staying with his brother MASHORUDDIN house in Rawang.I realised that Josh has grown up and all too quickly.He is now going on to 16 years old and i realised that time waits for no one.Seems only yesterday that he goes outstation only with INA and me.I am in a way glad that he has grown to be a responsible teenager and able to look after himself well.The trip to K.L. was an adventure for him as it was his first train ride.Besides being a little tired,he seems to enjoy his trip to K.L.

22ND ZAP MONDAY MORNING

Today is the 22nd time i have been ZAP by the radiation machine at MOUNT MIRIAM Hospital in PENANG.I was told that at the moment the scheduled ZAPPING is for 26.Meaning there are 4 left and to end this friday 19th dec 08.I will do a blood test on wednesday and see DATO DR ZAATAR on Thursday for the final evaluation of my treatment.I pray GOD that there will be no additional Zap.Its normal for the Doctor to give additional dose to make sure of the treatment.But come what may i am prepared to go thru the final phase of my long journey to recovery.INSYAALLAH.FAMILY AND FRIENDS keep praying as i need all the strength to complete the last leg of my treatment.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

20TH ZAP AND 5 MORE TO GO.

Today is the 20th Zap and insyaALLAH,i am tolerating well.There was some anxious moments,when eating and drinking is painful.Some adjustments were made by the radiation team headed by DATO DR ZAATAR,on the area to ZAP,took care of the problem.Now i only have to cope with the dryness.If everything goes according to plan, there will only be 5 more ZAPPING days to go.Tomorrow being FRIDAY my travelling day ZAPPING will be early in the morning.Family and Friends keep praying for me.The long journey to recovery is nearing the end.GOD WILLING AND GOD BLESS,AMEEN

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL ADHA

I WISH ALL MY MUSLIM FRIENDS AND FAMILY SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL ADHA AND MAY ALLAH SWT BLESS AND KEEP YOU IN GOOD HEALTH.INSYA ALLAH.
Today, no zapping as its a holiday for the RADIATION TEAM at MT MIRIAM.Its a blessing as i will have time to recover from last week's zapping. Lost my voice and still have difficulty in swallowing food and even drinks.Its like trying to swallow down a rubber ball.Insyaallah i will tolerate as i only have 8 more ZAPS to go.I am still physically and mentally strong.As they say in racing terminology "going into the straight and with 400 metres to go, is still in front travelling well on the bit".Insya ALLAH,GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

17th zap and 8 more to go

Today is the 17th zap and insya ALLAH only 8 more to go.This weekend is KL races and i will be taking a flight this afternoon.Its going to be a 3 day rest from zapping as Monday will be HARI RAYA HAJI.Zapping will continue next Tuesday and the last Zap is expected to be on the 18TH DECEMBER 08.So far i am tolerating it well.A little painful when swallowing but otherwise no major problems.The road to recovery is moving with GODSPEED.I am looking forward to recuperating from my seven months of battling with the CHEMOTHERAPY and RADIATION treatment for the big C.when the last day of radiation expected to be abt two weeks from now.InsyaALLAH,GOD BLESS,AMEEN.

TUESDAY BARRIER TRIAL DAY and 14thZAP

Today is another busy day on the track with 16 horses taking part in the trials.All went well and then in the afternoon its zapping time.My voice is starting to disappear and swallowing is becoming a little more painful.This side effect insyaALLAH, will be temporary.My journey to recovery is getting nearer by the day.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

EARLY MONDAY MORNING ZAP13 down 12 to go

Today as in other MONDAYS since i started RADIOTHERAPY at MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL
on13Th Nov08,i was ready to be ZAP at room LA2,as early as 7am. After putting in my card and waiting for about 15 minutes i was called in to be ZAP.The radiologist and nurse prepares me for the machine. Marking the area for zapping and clearing the room, the familiar sound of the machine can be heard and i knew then another 2minutes and i will be done.Today was no different to the other MONDAY TO FRIDAY routine,except may be for the timing,as TUESDAY,WEDNESDAY and THURSDAY i am zapped in the afternoon after work, MONDAY AND FRIDAY in the early mornings.The effect of the zapping is very noticeable now,but INSYAALLAH still tolerable.EATING AND DRINKING is a little painful on one side of the throat.THE CONSOLATION IS THAT 13 DOWN AND 12 MORE TO GO, i pray GOD SWT,that there will be no additional doses after 25 times.I know family and friends will keep praying for me and that the journey to recovery is almost over and moving with GODSPEED.INSYA ALLAH,GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

Today is SUNDAY and the mouth and throat start to get drier.APPETITE is almost at zero level,fruit juices are the menu for the day.Insyaallah its still tolerable.The reason for no food is because the taste is gone,chili hot even with no chillies,the tongue burns easily and sharp pain on swallowing.The RADIOLOGIST, has taken the films of the area treated to be given to DATO DR ZAATAR, to look at and hopefully some adjustments can be made to avoid the area where the pain is felt.
I look out the balcony early this morning and saw a group of golfers playing and it sure does bring back memories of my favourite sport.I too have started playing golf and bowling, BUT ONLY ON THE PLAYSTATION and NINTENDO GAMES HOOKED ON THE TV SET.Well its better than nothing.Keeping me company with the games is my darling wife INA and my "must win all the time"son MOHD JOSHUA.Tomorrow is the start of a new week of RADIATION, and INSYAALLAH with prayers from family and friends the journey to recovery is moving along with GODSPEED.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

FRIDAY and its the 12th RADIATION zap. AT THE HALFWAY MARK.

INSYAALLAH,the RADIATION treatment at MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL is coming along fine.This weekend is a free weekend for me,no travelling since its SPORE races.Its a much needed break as i can feel the throat and mouth area beginning to take its toll due to the treatment.Swallowing is a little painful but still tolerable.Its only a nagging pain which serves as a reminder that treatment is on and never forget it.Watermelon juice is my drink and soft food is my diet.Snacks are mainly fresh fruits.After going thru a good 6 months of this year with my illness and treatment which is very tough physically and emotionally,i find that its been a learning process,insyaallah.I thank GOD,FAMILY AND FRIENDS for giving me the strength to keep fighting and the journey to recovery is getting nearer with GODSPEED.INSYAALLAH.

9TH ZAPPING AND EFFECT IS NOTICEABLE

9th ZAPPING and 16 to go thats what happened yesterday at the MOUNT MIRIAM HOSPITAL. After the morning trackwork,barrier trials and finishing the video script for the coming PNTC DEC GOLD CUP MEETING with the CCTV Dept head MR GUAY,i headed for my daily ZAPPING.The 9th and i could feel that the side effects are coming as my mouth,tongue and throat is starting to get dry.Drink plenty of water is the advise given by everybody,That's easier said than done as drinking with dry mouth conditions is tough.THE MOUTH RINSE AND GARGLES PRESCRIBED IN A WAY HELPS A LITTLE.I realised now that since my treatment started in early AUGUST i had not tasted any food with the real taste,just eating and drinking with FLAT and METALLIC taste during CHEMO and now with RADIATION, the taste is just totally flat,no salt,sweet or sour just one FLAT TASTE FOR ALL FOOD AND DRINKS.One thing for sure when this is all over, i really look forward to eating and drinking with taste.So the theory that RADIATION is a "walk in the park" compared to CHEMO is not all that true.Yes not that hard but nearly and its only the 9th ZAPPING.What else is coming.With CHEMO you get used to the effects as its the same every cycle,but with RADIATION it changes by the day.FAMILY AND FRIENDS KEEP PRAYING that i have the strength to overcome the side effect and that the treatment moves along with GODSPEED .INSYAALLAH.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

MONDAY 8TH ZAP 17 MORE TO GO

PRTC
START OF THE RACES AT PRTC



Today is the 8th day of my RADIATION THERAPY at MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL and i am coping well so far,but still its early days and INSYAALLAH,i will tolerate the treatment.Last weekend was at the IPOH for work. STARTED the 3 MAIN RACES, THE RM300,000 SULTAN GOLD VASE( MALAYSIAN GROUP 1) OVER 1100M STRAIGHT,RM250,000 ASTRO WAH LAI TOI CHARITY CUP AND THE BIG ONE,RM700,000 THE CORONATION CUP (MALAYSIAN GROUP ONE).The weather was kind and it never rain till the races were over on SUNDAY and the minute i got into my car to head for home in PENANG it rained heavily with lightning and thunderstorm.Family and Friends keep praying for me as the journey to getting well is getting nearer with god speed.insyaALLAH AND GOD BLESS AMEEN.

7th zap and 18 to go

arrived IPOH in the afternoon after 7th zapping in the morning Friday 21st Nov

Tonight is the PRTC grand GALA dinner and last year i was the MASTER OF CEREMONIES and how quickly time passes.This year i pray that i feel well enough just to attend the dinner INSYAALLAH.The zapping effect is slowly but surely setting in.I can feel that uneasy feeling,the dryness of the throat and the taste is 70% gone.

LATEST UPDATE.Not attending the dinner as feeling not so good.But my darling wife INA will attend since we are already here.

Today is REST DAY from ZAPPING and i will be working at the IPOH RACES.INSYAALLAH.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN

6 down and 19 to go

If i ever needed the magic lamp now is the time.I think maybe thats why my dad name me ALADDIN.


Today was my 6Th zap with 19 to go.The blood test done yesterday was OK.The Doctor prescribed some mouth gargle and medication to numb the throat called XYLOCAINE COCKTAIL so that i can swallow when the side effect sets in.RADIOTHERAPY tends to make the inside of the mouth and throat quite sore.The effect will come after 10-14 days from the start of treatment.The next thing will be the temporary loss of voice,part of the salivary glands may be affected.Eating will be a problem as it will be difficult to chew and swallow while the mouth is sore.It will be 4 to 6 weeks after the last zapping before the throat is healed.There will also be a skin reaction.There will be a burning sensation and darkening of the skin area where RADIATION is targeted.Swelling under the chin and jaw area will be noticeable.I pray to ALLAH SWT,insyaALLAH,that i will be strong physically and mentally to go thru this treatment better than the CHEMO session.Family and friends this is a different ball game and i still need your prayers and encouragements and the journey will be faster with GOD speed.InsyaALLAH. GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

4th ZAP 21 TO GO

Life laughs at you when you are unhappy.Life smiles at you when you are happy.Life salutes you when you make others happy.Every successful person has a painful story.Every painful story has a successful ending.No one can go back and change a bad beginning.But anyone can start now and create a successful ending.Heated gold becomes ornament,beaten copper becomes wire,depleted stone becomes statue. So the more pain you get in life you become more valuable.Remember,it is easier to protect your feet with slippers then to cover the earth with carpet.Its easy to judge the mistakes of others,difficult is to recognize our own mistakes.Feeling philosophical today,at the same time reminding me of all the good quotes i learn in life.INSYAALLAH i will keep on fighting and win this battle with prayers from family and friends. I am beginning to feel the effects of RADIATION and starting to lose more of my taste and mouth starts to dry up with tightening of the neck and facial muscles,but still nothing compare to CHEMO i pray.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

3rd zapping at MT MIRIAM

How a typical RADIATION machine looks like.(picture downloaded from the net.)

Returned from 1st weekend Ipoh races on Sunday evening and early MONDAY morning was at Room LA2 for my appointment for RADIATION treatment.So its 3 down and 22 to go. The only side effect that is noticeable is the taste, beginning to go again.No salt and sweet, only taste is flat and bitter for all food and drinks.But not as bad as chemo,maybe it is too early to tell.Dryness in the mouth area is expected.Special mouthwash,gel and toothpaste is a must for all neck and throat RADIATION patient.Also salt and sodium bi-carb to gargle at least 5 times a day.Importantly no rubbing against the area radiated as it will cause peeling of the skin.Family and Friends keep praying for me and INSYAALLAH,the treatment will be smooth and with god speed.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

FOR THE RECORD 2ND ZAP 23 MORE TO GO

LtoR my brother tommy,me,mary,mum.

Today was at MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL at 830am for my 9am radiation treatment.and so far so good.Feels a little tightness at the area treated but still too early to tell of the side effects.INSYAALLAH, i will be able to tolerate the final lap of my treatment.My cousin MARY NOORDIN was there and we manage to say our farewell till we meet again INSYAALLAH. SHE WILL BE LEAVING FOR HOME IN SINGAPORE,and pray GOD that she be blessed with good health and longevity and we will meet up soon.SATURDAY and SUNDAY are radiation free days. MONDAY 17TH NOV and for 5 days till FRIDAY 21ST NOV will be my next ZAPPING.and will be the same routine till 5 WEEKS.meaning a total of 25 ZAPS.Now preparing to travel to IPOH for the weekend races. Pray GOD INSYAALLAH I WILL GO THRU MY TREATMENT WITH LITTLE TROUBLE.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

RADIATION STARTS TODAY AT MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL ONE DOWN 24 TO GO

radiation area markings neck right side.

Today went for simulation scan to target area for the actual radiation.Went to MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL at the appointed time 11 am and after a cup of coffee with my cousin MARY NOORDIN in the canteen together with my wife INA, I was called into the simulation room and to my surprise DATO DR ADEL M ZAATAR (thank you DATO DR) himself was there to do the measurements and I was told that actual radiation will start today.Next was the CT SCAN and straight after that to room LA2 for the 1st RADIATION TREATMENT OF THE SCHEDULE 25 TIMES.The actual radiation took approximately 1 to 2 mins.I thank GOD for making me strong insyaallah,to go thru my last lap of treatment and for sending my cousin MARY at my time of illness.Family and Friends keep praying for me and GOD WILLING i will win this battle with my illness,insyaallah,GOD BLESS,AMEEN

MY COUSIN MARY NOORDIN FROM SINGAPORE

My cousin MARY and me.

My meeting at MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL on Tuesday 11th November 08 with DATO DR ZATTAR, for my radiation treatment was indeed very memorable. I met my cousin MARY NOORDIN(Her father NM NOORDIN is the elder brother to my father)who came from SINGAPORE and having been involved with working all her life in with missionary hospitals was well respected by all in MT MIRIAM.She in fact went in with me to see my radiologist and listen to the planning of my radiation programme.I was indeed in good hands having been introduced to most of the senior nursing staff and i no longer felt like a stranger in the new hospital,where i would be doing my last lap of treatment for my illness.God works in mysterious ways as i have not seen MARY,my cousin for nearly 40 years or more as we lost contact when she went to SINGAPORE and was attached to MT ALVERNIA HOSP.Her visit here was not planned and i only knew of her being in PENANG and staying at the MT MIRIAM hostel when i went for my appointment.I pray god insyaallah, she be blessed with good health and being 81 years of age and with good memory of her early days in PENANG was able to relate to me our family history in PENANG.INSYAALLAH, my radiation will start soon and that i will be able to finish my treatment for my illness and come out of it with a gold medal in the olympic of my life. GOD BLESS and AMEEN.

HIP HIP HOORAY NO MORE CHEMOTHERAPY

The day my Doctor announced that i would received CHEMOTHERAPY was just as bad as the day i learned i had CANCER.That's because all the things i heard and read about the treatment is all bad.I expect to be laying in bed with my life in the balance-- feeling sick to the stomach,nauseating,vomiting,feverish,coughing,not able to eat,weak,losing weight,not able to work as the "cure" will slowly but surely poison and torture my body with the CHEMO medicine of CISPLATIN AND TAXOTERE.With all the bad news aside i decided to tackle my CHEMO treatment with a positive attitude.This may seem an impossible task,turning a CHEMO protocol into a tolerable and not so bad experience.But then again i can count on my wife, my family, my friends,my colleagues and my employers to help me in my fight for my life.Here is a list,that i noted helped me in my fight thru the CHEMO period and INSYAALLAH for the coming unknown treatment and the probable side effects.
1)Make friends and talk to as many CANCER survivors with a positive attitude.
2)Learn about CANCER and the treatment thru the net, books and listen to your oncologist carefully and note down all that he or she says.
3)Understand that CHEMO TREATMENT targets quickly dividing cells,like cancerous cells,white and red blood cells,platelets,digestive tracts,hair loss and a host of other complications but all these are temporary and accept the fact that CHEMO is intended to make me well and not make me suffer,be strong in the mind about it.
4)Learn how to support the body to cope and believe the best chance to fight and survive the cancer comes from the conventional method i.e.SURGERY,CHEMOTHERAPY,RADIATION,but alternative medications the right ones can complement the traditional approach.Healthy diet,daily exercises,supplements, a good night sleep and a strong mind are some of the ingredients most helpful in coping with the CHEMO treatment.
5)When feeling tired,giving up and moody, retreat to bed with a good book,favourite music and meditation is a big help.Call and speak to the people you know who are genuinely and 100% with you in your fight with the illness.
6)Very importantly get to know your Doctor and nurses well.I made it a point to genuinely become good friends with all of them,feel their efforts and appreciate their care and time given to you.
7)NOT EVER FORGETTING GOD who gave me the added strength and carried me thru the journey spiritually and instrumental in my positive outlook.
8)LOVE ---pure and simple from family and friends,that made CHEMO treatment felt not so bad after all.
Now going into the 2nd week of my last CHEMO on the 22nd oct 08,the journey thru the dark tunnel is definitely getting nearer the other side with light at the end is a true light and not the lights of an oncoming train as said wisely and with humor by my boss and best friend.With GOD'S grace,with family and friends solidly behind urging and encouraging me with prayers, i am sure anything that comes my way may it be CANCER,the treatments,i will fight and fight for that OLYMPIC OF LIFE GOLD MEDAL and be awinner at the end of it all. Having said all,i must thank mostly my wife who has been a true inspiration,very strong minded and of course my pillar of strength .With her by my side it surely was a lot easier.Ina,I love you and like you said 'we will see this thru together'Insyaallah.AMEEN

VISIT FROM MY SON

My son MASHORUDDIN(BOY)


My son MASHORUDDIN (BOY) visited me after the PET SCAN in KL. He is now working in KL. I am glad he is doing well in his work in KL,and has bought a new apartment in RAWANG.Keep up the good work BOY, and it will make my recovery from illness a lot easier.INSYAALLAH.GOD BLESS AMEEN.

MET DR KWLEONG SATURDAY 8NOV08

GOD BE PRAISED INSYAALLAH everything seems to be on scheduled.CONFIRMED no more CHEMOTHERAPY. Dr Leong is happy with the PETSCAN results and is making preparations with the Head of Radialogist,Dato' Dr Saartar,Mt Miriam Hosp.I am due to see Dato' at the hospital on Monday 10 nov 08 for the RADIATION planning and start of treatment.I will know more details after my meeting at MT MIRIAM HOSP.Reflecting back to the day when first told i needed CHEMOTHERAPY, I DID NOT FRET ABOUT THE POISON THAT WOULD CIRCULATE THRU OUT MY BODY,the nausea that might strike me or the loss of my taste buds,what i feared most was losing my hair. It seems silly now,i mean hair is just hair.As wisely put by my boss Mr D.MCGILLIVRAY,"you will probably opt for short hair next time when treatment is over,its easier to manage,trim it down to no.1",and yes he was right, its definately easier to maintain.If i could trade my hair now for a guarantee that CANCER would never return i would gladly do it. But 4 months ago when CANCER was new to me and my self image was faltering, i could not stand the thought of losing it.I must admit i did ok once my hair start to go quickly,it was kind of liberating really but dont get me wrong i do want to see the old me with hair,but for now i am happy with no hair.Soon i will start on a new roller coaster ride,so going into the unknown i am prepared to keep on fighting and come out of this illness with a gold medal nothing less INSYAALLAH. Keep praying family and friends.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

petscan results 6th nov 08

MY TUNNEL OF HOPE.PETSCAN MACHINE.

I managed to go thru the petscan without much problem on the 6th nov 08,the same technique was used as my first petscan on the 11th aug 08.Positron emission tomography(PET)scan,coupled with correlative non contrast CT scan was performed from the vertex of the skull to the upper thighs at 60 mins after intravenous administration of 9.1mCi of F-18 fluorodeoxyglucose CT data was used for attenuation correction anatomical localization.Oral gastrgrafin,oral Valium and intra-venous lasix were given and the fasting blood glucose = 5.7 mmol/l In simple words i was injected thru a line put in my veins and waited for one hour for the medications to go round my body and then taken in to a small tunnel like machine SCANNER, AND TOLD NOT TO MOVE WITH MY HANDS STRAPPED TO MY SIDES FOR AT LEAST 40 MINS.That was tough,no moving even if you feel like scratching,sneezing,then numbness starts to creep in and the ice cold room is no help either.After that the waiting for the results.Thank God there is no new tumors located and in the words of my Consultant Nuclear Medicine Physician nothing alarming and about the same results as before,which is good but i still want DR KW LEONG my onco to tell me and tomorrow SATURDAY i will meet him in Penang for the next course of action. So far all is going according to schedule.HOORAY(MANY TIMES) NO MORE CHEMO.Localisation RADIATION will start soon to the site of the operation where the secondary tumor was removed. Please family and friends keep praying and i know i will win this battle.THANK GOD, insyaallah.GOD BLESS

VISIT FROM KL FAMILY

Family photo
My sister YM RAJA HAZIZAH and me.

Today a day b4 i leave for KL to do my PET SCAN in KL on the 6th Nov 08,at the WIJAYA MEDICAL CENTRE,i had a visit from my adopted sister and her family.They came in 3 cars and spend a whole day with us.My heartiest congrats to my nephew MEGAT ZULKARNAIN for winning the recently held UMNO youth division in GOMBAK, the 2nd biggest division in Malaysia,MEGAT who is busy with the ongoing political scene took time off to be with us. There were prayers and encouragements coming from all who came for the visit.INSYAALLAH,their visit will spur me to accept and fight whatever illness is thrown to me. Much as i am worried about the results of the PET SCAN on the 6th NOV 08 but i am sure the date 6th nov 08 will bring good news,INSYAALLAH.GOD BLESS AMEEN.

READY FOR PET SCAN

An old friend in Terengganu aging gracefully

My visit to Terengganu the past 7days after my last CHEMO on the 22nd oct was indeed very fruitful. The knowledge and spiritual strength that i acquired whilst going thru the religious school with my guru is surely making me more determine to win this battle and come out of the long journey thru the dark tunnel with god's speed,INSYAALLAH. I am back home today and getting myself strong for the PETSCAN scheduled on the 6th Nov at 9am in WIJAYA MEDICAL CENTRE IN KL.Family and Friends please keep the prayers and encouragements coming.The PETSCAN is a scary process as it will tell to a certain extend the success of the CHEMO treatment and the torture that i went thru was all worthwhile or not.The 4 sessions of CHEMO STARTING ON 18TH AUGUST AND THE LAST ON 22ND OCT was a roller coaster ride extraordinaire.The ups and down are luckily enough very predictable.IST TEN DAYS IS HELL ON EARTH,NO TASTE,NAUSEATING,TIRED AND MOODY,it then starts to get better almost every time in the 12th day and picks up into the3rd week which is heavenly then its bang CHEMO time again and 1st week torture again and it goes on for the rest of the chemo till now and HOORAY,INSYAALLAH NO MORE CHEMO.I have been told by my doctor KWLEONG,that radiation will start after a 3weeks rest and due to start sometime towards the end of NOV08.insyaallah.

Mohd Joshua on Sri Pulau victorious in the showjumping team event

The other good news in Terengganu is that my son MOHD JOSHUA representing PENANG TURF CLUB EQUESTRIAN CENTRE won 2 blue ribbons in the showjumping with the horse SRI PULAU,and came in 5th in showjumping accumulator series and to top it all up,in the SPECIAL 2 ROUNDS SHOWJUMPING COMPETITION among 3 teams namely West Malaysian riders against East Coast and the Australian riders,my son's team the WEST MALAYSIAN RIDERS after a close tussle emerged CHAMPIONS.Made me very proud and gives me added strength to keep fighting to maybe one day see my son win the big one for MALAYSIA.INSYAALLAH,GOD BLESS AMEEN.