6 down and 19 to go

If i ever needed the magic lamp now is the time.I think maybe thats why my dad name me ALADDIN.


Today was my 6Th zap with 19 to go.The blood test done yesterday was OK.The Doctor prescribed some mouth gargle and medication to numb the throat called XYLOCAINE COCKTAIL so that i can swallow when the side effect sets in.RADIOTHERAPY tends to make the inside of the mouth and throat quite sore.The effect will come after 10-14 days from the start of treatment.The next thing will be the temporary loss of voice,part of the salivary glands may be affected.Eating will be a problem as it will be difficult to chew and swallow while the mouth is sore.It will be 4 to 6 weeks after the last zapping before the throat is healed.There will also be a skin reaction.There will be a burning sensation and darkening of the skin area where RADIATION is targeted.Swelling under the chin and jaw area will be noticeable.I pray to ALLAH SWT,insyaALLAH,that i will be strong physically and mentally to go thru this treatment better than the CHEMO session.Family and friends this is a different ball game and i still need your prayers and encouragements and the journey will be faster with GOD speed.InsyaALLAH. GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

4th ZAP 21 TO GO

Life laughs at you when you are unhappy.Life smiles at you when you are happy.Life salutes you when you make others happy.Every successful person has a painful story.Every painful story has a successful ending.No one can go back and change a bad beginning.But anyone can start now and create a successful ending.Heated gold becomes ornament,beaten copper becomes wire,depleted stone becomes statue. So the more pain you get in life you become more valuable.Remember,it is easier to protect your feet with slippers then to cover the earth with carpet.Its easy to judge the mistakes of others,difficult is to recognize our own mistakes.Feeling philosophical today,at the same time reminding me of all the good quotes i learn in life.INSYAALLAH i will keep on fighting and win this battle with prayers from family and friends. I am beginning to feel the effects of RADIATION and starting to lose more of my taste and mouth starts to dry up with tightening of the neck and facial muscles,but still nothing compare to CHEMO i pray.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

3rd zapping at MT MIRIAM

How a typical RADIATION machine looks like.(picture downloaded from the net.)

Returned from 1st weekend Ipoh races on Sunday evening and early MONDAY morning was at Room LA2 for my appointment for RADIATION treatment.So its 3 down and 22 to go. The only side effect that is noticeable is the taste, beginning to go again.No salt and sweet, only taste is flat and bitter for all food and drinks.But not as bad as chemo,maybe it is too early to tell.Dryness in the mouth area is expected.Special mouthwash,gel and toothpaste is a must for all neck and throat RADIATION patient.Also salt and sodium bi-carb to gargle at least 5 times a day.Importantly no rubbing against the area radiated as it will cause peeling of the skin.Family and Friends keep praying for me and INSYAALLAH,the treatment will be smooth and with god speed.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

FOR THE RECORD 2ND ZAP 23 MORE TO GO

LtoR my brother tommy,me,mary,mum.

Today was at MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL at 830am for my 9am radiation treatment.and so far so good.Feels a little tightness at the area treated but still too early to tell of the side effects.INSYAALLAH, i will be able to tolerate the final lap of my treatment.My cousin MARY NOORDIN was there and we manage to say our farewell till we meet again INSYAALLAH. SHE WILL BE LEAVING FOR HOME IN SINGAPORE,and pray GOD that she be blessed with good health and longevity and we will meet up soon.SATURDAY and SUNDAY are radiation free days. MONDAY 17TH NOV and for 5 days till FRIDAY 21ST NOV will be my next ZAPPING.and will be the same routine till 5 WEEKS.meaning a total of 25 ZAPS.Now preparing to travel to IPOH for the weekend races. Pray GOD INSYAALLAH I WILL GO THRU MY TREATMENT WITH LITTLE TROUBLE.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

RADIATION STARTS TODAY AT MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL ONE DOWN 24 TO GO

radiation area markings neck right side.

Today went for simulation scan to target area for the actual radiation.Went to MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL at the appointed time 11 am and after a cup of coffee with my cousin MARY NOORDIN in the canteen together with my wife INA, I was called into the simulation room and to my surprise DATO DR ADEL M ZAATAR (thank you DATO DR) himself was there to do the measurements and I was told that actual radiation will start today.Next was the CT SCAN and straight after that to room LA2 for the 1st RADIATION TREATMENT OF THE SCHEDULE 25 TIMES.The actual radiation took approximately 1 to 2 mins.I thank GOD for making me strong insyaallah,to go thru my last lap of treatment and for sending my cousin MARY at my time of illness.Family and Friends keep praying for me and GOD WILLING i will win this battle with my illness,insyaallah,GOD BLESS,AMEEN

MY COUSIN MARY NOORDIN FROM SINGAPORE

My cousin MARY and me.

My meeting at MT MIRIAM HOSPITAL on Tuesday 11th November 08 with DATO DR ZATTAR, for my radiation treatment was indeed very memorable. I met my cousin MARY NOORDIN(Her father NM NOORDIN is the elder brother to my father)who came from SINGAPORE and having been involved with working all her life in with missionary hospitals was well respected by all in MT MIRIAM.She in fact went in with me to see my radiologist and listen to the planning of my radiation programme.I was indeed in good hands having been introduced to most of the senior nursing staff and i no longer felt like a stranger in the new hospital,where i would be doing my last lap of treatment for my illness.God works in mysterious ways as i have not seen MARY,my cousin for nearly 40 years or more as we lost contact when she went to SINGAPORE and was attached to MT ALVERNIA HOSP.Her visit here was not planned and i only knew of her being in PENANG and staying at the MT MIRIAM hostel when i went for my appointment.I pray god insyaallah, she be blessed with good health and being 81 years of age and with good memory of her early days in PENANG was able to relate to me our family history in PENANG.INSYAALLAH, my radiation will start soon and that i will be able to finish my treatment for my illness and come out of it with a gold medal in the olympic of my life. GOD BLESS and AMEEN.

HIP HIP HOORAY NO MORE CHEMOTHERAPY

The day my Doctor announced that i would received CHEMOTHERAPY was just as bad as the day i learned i had CANCER.That's because all the things i heard and read about the treatment is all bad.I expect to be laying in bed with my life in the balance-- feeling sick to the stomach,nauseating,vomiting,feverish,coughing,not able to eat,weak,losing weight,not able to work as the "cure" will slowly but surely poison and torture my body with the CHEMO medicine of CISPLATIN AND TAXOTERE.With all the bad news aside i decided to tackle my CHEMO treatment with a positive attitude.This may seem an impossible task,turning a CHEMO protocol into a tolerable and not so bad experience.But then again i can count on my wife, my family, my friends,my colleagues and my employers to help me in my fight for my life.Here is a list,that i noted helped me in my fight thru the CHEMO period and INSYAALLAH for the coming unknown treatment and the probable side effects.
1)Make friends and talk to as many CANCER survivors with a positive attitude.
2)Learn about CANCER and the treatment thru the net, books and listen to your oncologist carefully and note down all that he or she says.
3)Understand that CHEMO TREATMENT targets quickly dividing cells,like cancerous cells,white and red blood cells,platelets,digestive tracts,hair loss and a host of other complications but all these are temporary and accept the fact that CHEMO is intended to make me well and not make me suffer,be strong in the mind about it.
4)Learn how to support the body to cope and believe the best chance to fight and survive the cancer comes from the conventional method i.e.SURGERY,CHEMOTHERAPY,RADIATION,but alternative medications the right ones can complement the traditional approach.Healthy diet,daily exercises,supplements, a good night sleep and a strong mind are some of the ingredients most helpful in coping with the CHEMO treatment.
5)When feeling tired,giving up and moody, retreat to bed with a good book,favourite music and meditation is a big help.Call and speak to the people you know who are genuinely and 100% with you in your fight with the illness.
6)Very importantly get to know your Doctor and nurses well.I made it a point to genuinely become good friends with all of them,feel their efforts and appreciate their care and time given to you.
7)NOT EVER FORGETTING GOD who gave me the added strength and carried me thru the journey spiritually and instrumental in my positive outlook.
8)LOVE ---pure and simple from family and friends,that made CHEMO treatment felt not so bad after all.
Now going into the 2nd week of my last CHEMO on the 22nd oct 08,the journey thru the dark tunnel is definitely getting nearer the other side with light at the end is a true light and not the lights of an oncoming train as said wisely and with humor by my boss and best friend.With GOD'S grace,with family and friends solidly behind urging and encouraging me with prayers, i am sure anything that comes my way may it be CANCER,the treatments,i will fight and fight for that OLYMPIC OF LIFE GOLD MEDAL and be awinner at the end of it all. Having said all,i must thank mostly my wife who has been a true inspiration,very strong minded and of course my pillar of strength .With her by my side it surely was a lot easier.Ina,I love you and like you said 'we will see this thru together'Insyaallah.AMEEN

VISIT FROM MY SON

My son MASHORUDDIN(BOY)


My son MASHORUDDIN (BOY) visited me after the PET SCAN in KL. He is now working in KL. I am glad he is doing well in his work in KL,and has bought a new apartment in RAWANG.Keep up the good work BOY, and it will make my recovery from illness a lot easier.INSYAALLAH.GOD BLESS AMEEN.

MET DR KWLEONG SATURDAY 8NOV08

GOD BE PRAISED INSYAALLAH everything seems to be on scheduled.CONFIRMED no more CHEMOTHERAPY. Dr Leong is happy with the PETSCAN results and is making preparations with the Head of Radialogist,Dato' Dr Saartar,Mt Miriam Hosp.I am due to see Dato' at the hospital on Monday 10 nov 08 for the RADIATION planning and start of treatment.I will know more details after my meeting at MT MIRIAM HOSP.Reflecting back to the day when first told i needed CHEMOTHERAPY, I DID NOT FRET ABOUT THE POISON THAT WOULD CIRCULATE THRU OUT MY BODY,the nausea that might strike me or the loss of my taste buds,what i feared most was losing my hair. It seems silly now,i mean hair is just hair.As wisely put by my boss Mr D.MCGILLIVRAY,"you will probably opt for short hair next time when treatment is over,its easier to manage,trim it down to no.1",and yes he was right, its definately easier to maintain.If i could trade my hair now for a guarantee that CANCER would never return i would gladly do it. But 4 months ago when CANCER was new to me and my self image was faltering, i could not stand the thought of losing it.I must admit i did ok once my hair start to go quickly,it was kind of liberating really but dont get me wrong i do want to see the old me with hair,but for now i am happy with no hair.Soon i will start on a new roller coaster ride,so going into the unknown i am prepared to keep on fighting and come out of this illness with a gold medal nothing less INSYAALLAH. Keep praying family and friends.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.

petscan results 6th nov 08

MY TUNNEL OF HOPE.PETSCAN MACHINE.

I managed to go thru the petscan without much problem on the 6th nov 08,the same technique was used as my first petscan on the 11th aug 08.Positron emission tomography(PET)scan,coupled with correlative non contrast CT scan was performed from the vertex of the skull to the upper thighs at 60 mins after intravenous administration of 9.1mCi of F-18 fluorodeoxyglucose CT data was used for attenuation correction anatomical localization.Oral gastrgrafin,oral Valium and intra-venous lasix were given and the fasting blood glucose = 5.7 mmol/l In simple words i was injected thru a line put in my veins and waited for one hour for the medications to go round my body and then taken in to a small tunnel like machine SCANNER, AND TOLD NOT TO MOVE WITH MY HANDS STRAPPED TO MY SIDES FOR AT LEAST 40 MINS.That was tough,no moving even if you feel like scratching,sneezing,then numbness starts to creep in and the ice cold room is no help either.After that the waiting for the results.Thank God there is no new tumors located and in the words of my Consultant Nuclear Medicine Physician nothing alarming and about the same results as before,which is good but i still want DR KW LEONG my onco to tell me and tomorrow SATURDAY i will meet him in Penang for the next course of action. So far all is going according to schedule.HOORAY(MANY TIMES) NO MORE CHEMO.Localisation RADIATION will start soon to the site of the operation where the secondary tumor was removed. Please family and friends keep praying and i know i will win this battle.THANK GOD, insyaallah.GOD BLESS

VISIT FROM KL FAMILY

Family photo
My sister YM RAJA HAZIZAH and me.

Today a day b4 i leave for KL to do my PET SCAN in KL on the 6th Nov 08,at the WIJAYA MEDICAL CENTRE,i had a visit from my adopted sister and her family.They came in 3 cars and spend a whole day with us.My heartiest congrats to my nephew MEGAT ZULKARNAIN for winning the recently held UMNO youth division in GOMBAK, the 2nd biggest division in Malaysia,MEGAT who is busy with the ongoing political scene took time off to be with us. There were prayers and encouragements coming from all who came for the visit.INSYAALLAH,their visit will spur me to accept and fight whatever illness is thrown to me. Much as i am worried about the results of the PET SCAN on the 6th NOV 08 but i am sure the date 6th nov 08 will bring good news,INSYAALLAH.GOD BLESS AMEEN.

READY FOR PET SCAN

An old friend in Terengganu aging gracefully

My visit to Terengganu the past 7days after my last CHEMO on the 22nd oct was indeed very fruitful. The knowledge and spiritual strength that i acquired whilst going thru the religious school with my guru is surely making me more determine to win this battle and come out of the long journey thru the dark tunnel with god's speed,INSYAALLAH. I am back home today and getting myself strong for the PETSCAN scheduled on the 6th Nov at 9am in WIJAYA MEDICAL CENTRE IN KL.Family and Friends please keep the prayers and encouragements coming.The PETSCAN is a scary process as it will tell to a certain extend the success of the CHEMO treatment and the torture that i went thru was all worthwhile or not.The 4 sessions of CHEMO STARTING ON 18TH AUGUST AND THE LAST ON 22ND OCT was a roller coaster ride extraordinaire.The ups and down are luckily enough very predictable.IST TEN DAYS IS HELL ON EARTH,NO TASTE,NAUSEATING,TIRED AND MOODY,it then starts to get better almost every time in the 12th day and picks up into the3rd week which is heavenly then its bang CHEMO time again and 1st week torture again and it goes on for the rest of the chemo till now and HOORAY,INSYAALLAH NO MORE CHEMO.I have been told by my doctor KWLEONG,that radiation will start after a 3weeks rest and due to start sometime towards the end of NOV08.insyaallah.

Mohd Joshua on Sri Pulau victorious in the showjumping team event

The other good news in Terengganu is that my son MOHD JOSHUA representing PENANG TURF CLUB EQUESTRIAN CENTRE won 2 blue ribbons in the showjumping with the horse SRI PULAU,and came in 5th in showjumping accumulator series and to top it all up,in the SPECIAL 2 ROUNDS SHOWJUMPING COMPETITION among 3 teams namely West Malaysian riders against East Coast and the Australian riders,my son's team the WEST MALAYSIAN RIDERS after a close tussle emerged CHAMPIONS.Made me very proud and gives me added strength to keep fighting to maybe one day see my son win the big one for MALAYSIA.INSYAALLAH,GOD BLESS AMEEN.

EMOTIONALLY STRONG

I thank god that i am going thru my spiritual cleansing with tok GURU in KT with much peace and emotionally strong despite not on any food for the last 7 days but lots of juices and fruits. I have lost abt 2.5kg and a little weak but tolerating.Family and Friends keep the prayers and encouragements coming and i will win this battle with my illness. The journey is getting nearer by the day with GOD'S SPEED.INSYAALLAH. "O my Lord!Let my entry be by the gate of Truth and Honor and likewise my exit by the gate of Truth and Honor and grant me from thy presence an authority to aid{me}" surah Isra{17} verse 80.GOD BLESS AMEEN

tuesday 28th oct in TERENGGANU

An aerial photo of my religious school where i will be enrolled for 5 days to do meditations with my 80 year old GURU, in KT town. It is so peaceful here and i will be strengthening my mind and brushing up on my religious obligations.My wife and son are busy with the EQUESTRIAN championship and i wish my son the best in the competition.As for me its good to renew ties with pak guru who is still going strong and mentally alert at his age,the courses will be attended by 10 person and i believe will do me a world of good in terms of spiritual strength. For now i am very weak as i cannot eat for the last 6days and even juices is becoming difficult to drink, my main food is now GREEN TOTAL drink. Insyaallah,i will be back to my old self soonest and the PETSCAN on 6th nov08 will yield good results.Family and Friends keep the prayers and encouragements coming and the journey is getting nearer by the day with GOD'S SPEED.INSYAALLAH AMEEN

MONDAY AFTER THE BIRTHDAY

Well, all i can say is its getting better today.Able to take some biscuits and Milo in the morning and drink my usual juices and morning medications.The last chemo i must say is very tough and very difficult to tolerate.All i can look forward to is there are no more chemo,insyaallah.THANK GOD,I DON'T THINK I COULD TOLERATE ANOTHER ONE.I have been told to take complete rest by my oncologist,DR KWLEONG. I have discussed with my immediate boss and agreed that i should stay away from work until my next PET SCAN on the 6th NOV 08,(SINCE MY TREATMENT STARTED IN JULY 08, I HAVE NOT MISSED A DAY'S WORK TILL NOW) and i am happy to hear the words spoken by my boss that i have been exemplary thru out my illness as far as work is concerned.I pray GOD that the results is clear and i can come back to active duty soonest possible.Radiation will start soon after the PET SCAN but its going to be localised therapy and the side effects is very minimal.I have been told by many that nothing is as difficult as CHEMOTHERAPY.and that RADIATION would be a breeze, the word used by my doctor, is a "walk in the park for you alen".I have decided that its time for me to do some spiritual meditation to strengthen my mind.Thank god since the family is going to TERENGGANU EAST MALAYSIA for my son's MOHD JOSHUA equestrian competition,i have found my old GURU who now is 80 years old and been residing in TERENGGANU all his life has given me an appointment to be with him and do meditations for 5days at his religious school.He is just as excited when told of my visit.So i will be updating my blog from TERENGGANU.Family and friends the journey is getting nearer and please don't stop the prayers and encouragements.insyaallah and GOD BLESS.

26TH OCT 08happy birthday Alen and baby Nurin

our grandchild Nurin share the same birthday with alen.





This is SARINA,writing the blog on behalf of my darling husband as he is feeling a little weak after the 4th and last CHEMO.
Today is alen's birthday and he is not well but still lots of fighting spirit.I know him, he is a very strong person, with all the families and friends saying prayers and giving encouragements he will pull thru and be well again.Thank you for all the birthday wishes that he received thru emails and sms.Too many to reply .He has seen and read them all and really appreciate.I am sure he will be back on his feet in no time and continue updating his blog insyaallah.To my husband,who is gonna be surprise to see that i have updated his blog,Happy Birthday.I love you and pray for many more birthdays to come.Lets all pray for his speedy recovery,insyaallah.GOD BLESS.

4th chemo cycle the toughest

This is the toughest,the last because its tough,no food now for 4days just juices,and even that its difficult to drink. The platinum taste in the mouth is so very strong.Getting a bit weak,but i will fight, family and friends,pray for me for GOD to give me the strength to pull thru the last CHEMO.Blood count is a bit haywire,but holding.INSYAALLAH AMEEN,almost forgot 2moro happy birthday to me,GOD BLESS.

FRIDAY MORNING BLUES 24th OCT 08

Much as i am relieved that Tuesday was the last CHEMO that i may be going thru,insyaallah,but i can tell you the yo yo feelings this time is more down than up. Tough is the word.Sleep has been almost zero and food intake is minimal,juices and water is also difficult to swallow.The feverish feeling is constantly there and the body heat is strong like burning sensation on the skin.I can actually feel the medications moving thru my veins thru out my body and the worst feeling is the metallic taste in my taste buds.NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT,SLEEP AND DRINK IS MAKING MY BODY WEAKER but i am still tolerating because i made full use of the up time going into the 3rd week of the last CHEMO cycle.INSYAALAH.i will pull thru this time just like the last 3 chemos.Whatever it is i am glad i am getting nearer to end my treatment and get back to my normal self with prayers from family and friends.The journey is long and next will be a new roller coaster ride called RADIATION,after a pet scan on the 6th NOV 08.Pray God that scan results will be good and radiation will be localised to the operation site on my neck only,IN FACT TILL NOW THATS THE CONSENSUS PLAN BY MY TEAM OF DOCTORS,and the saying is if i can go thru CHEMO, radiation is a breeze, i hope and pray GOD what they saying is true.The journey to getting well again and hoping that the illness wont come back is all of us can pray for and hope.insyaallah GOD BLESS AMEEN.

THE LAST CHEMO THE TOUGEST

I can feel the medications took effect almost immediately. The mouth begins to lose its taste buds and dries up and even water is difficult to swallow as the metallic taste is so strong.No food for the last 24hrs only apple juice and plain water.Sleep has been difficult. Not working today as the first week of chemo is best not to be in an enclosed air condition environment as the immune system takes a nosedive and if contact flu or viral infections could be fatal for a chemo patient. Outdoors are all right so will try to work at the races this weekend at penang.Well the good and positive side is that CHEMO is over and the tunnel gets nearer to the other side.The journey to recovery is nearer by the day,and radiation as told to me by my doctor is a breeze compared to chemo insyaallah. Family and Friends we are nearly at the finishing line ,keep the prayers and encouragements coming to give me the added strength.GOD BLESS.

MY LATEST LETTER AS IN BERNAMA.COM 22OCT 08

I was diagnosed with cancer in July 2008. At the moment, I finished my 4th chemotherapy of three weekly regime and it's tough for the patient and family. What is important is that it has brought a sense of awareness for my family,my circle of friends and myself as to the alarming rate of cancer affecting a wide cross section of Malaysians.The point is, it is sad that the public at large including politicians are not being bombarded with information,with regards to this serious illness called cancer. I am sure many Malaysians and some politicians may still not know the seriousness of cancer. I would humbly like to suggest that the government give top priority to cancer in terms of quick diagnostic facilities, up to date medications and importantly the doctors, nurses ,basically the whole support team involved in cancer treatment. It has to start from the public awareness of their way of life,diet and hygiene.The symptoms must be made known to the public at large.The Ministry of Health and Information must play their role for all Malaysians to be well informed about cancer, just as much as road safety. Let's form a task force to tackle this problem first rather than politics all year round. Enough of bickering and lets get together and do something to improve the already good quality of life and make it better for 'Tanah tumpahnya darahku Malaysia and the rakyat' before we join other countries that are lacking behind.