Don McLean’s song American Pie, with the words ‘the day the music died’, seemed to sum up the feeling
around me in the days following the confirmation by my doctor of my CANCER.(Operated on 8Th July 08 and confirmation of cancer on 18Th July 08.)
I found myself walking through thick air, with a sense of deadness within my soul. I watched the people on
the street and noticed a slowness of movement and a blank, confused, and painful look in their eyes. Fear,
anger, sadness and lethargy seemed to have found their way into the hearts and minds of most of the
people living on the planet.
Time moved forward and we began to heal and recover. But something was different; something had
changed on a deeper level within us all. We all knew that life would go on, but never quite like before.
That period of time, I really experienced just how close and connected I could feel to another person. That was the
time, that I really forgot myself and in doing so, I felt that I had come as close as I had ever been to being
human. To feel human, I realised, was to acknowledge my own soul, to question mortality and to not fear
or resent it.
The fight with CANCER, changed me in a way that I could not quite define. I was aware of a lack of energy, a
sadness; a pessimism. A shadow had descended onto and into me. Finally I pinpointed it - I had no joy.
Joy: the lightness of being. Joy to me is the quiet nature of happiness. It’s a calm happiness, a sense of
feeling right with the world and with myself. Yes, lack of joy is like having your own personal music die.
I asked myself if the world had changed so much. Was the world really a bad place? Were people really
all hostile and mean spirited? It seemed to me that everywhere I turned and everyone I spoke with
bombarded me with messages of fear.
My father’s death,in FEB of 1980 had created a sense of vulnerability within me that I had not known before. My
foundation became shaky as I realised my personal reality had been permanently changed. My ‘rock’ no
longer existed. I’m sure that I would have been fine if I had been able to deal with my grief in my own
time. But, when CANCER came into my life, it felt like the whole world had changed
and all of life had become vulnerable and fearful.
I also wondered if I was becoming too old to enjoy life as I had done in my youth. No, I wasn’t
depressed, but I must say I felt like I had become ‘beige’. Beige is a safe colour, but also a bland colour.
It never offends, but neither does it inspire. My life was feeling beige, my life had lost its music and I had
lost my joy.
I finally became so angry at myself for having CANCER.I was devastated,my world started to fall apart,i was now
feeling tired and lacking joy that was, when, I decided it was time to take some aggressive action and turn it around.
My quest for the return of my joy had begun.
I thought back over my life and recalled the person I used to be. I wondered how so much time had
passed without me realising, how far I had drifted away from the happy, positive, motivated person that I used to be.
I guess I had just let myself drift away until I ended up in this beige world. I became fascinated with how the mind influences behaviour and habits.
You think - you feel - you act. Your actions reinforce your thoughts and there you have your belief cycle.
Good nutrition is vital to gaining and maintaining physical health. Self awareness and positive perception is
vital to your emotional well being. During the six months of firstly,CHEMO,then RADIATION something else emerged within me and completely
changed my life. I discovered a sense of my spiritual self through prayers and getting closer to GOD ALMIGHTY,INSYAALLAH.
So, getting back to the time i was diagnosed with CANCER and the realisation that I had become beige and joyless. My first priority was in
getting my health and vitality back. I was determined to get on top of the cancer treatments. A few things were
already blatantly obvious and diet headed the list; I eliminated or reduced my consumption of junk food,
sugar, white flour, packaged and processed foods and saturated fats. I started to graze on food rather than
eat large meals. I ate and drank healthy, and my vitality increased as my pain decreased.
I kept a journal and I wrote affirmations which I repeated throughout the
day and prior to falling asleep.
Because I was focused on getting well, I became very aware of the many negative influences around me.
Television, radio and newspapers had to be taken lightly I could not keep my head clear with the media’s obsession
with doom and gloom.
I also had to have a few serious conversations with the people in my life about topics that I would no
longer engage in. I needed to discipline my thoughts against entertaining fear, guilt or worry.ALHAMDULLILAH,SYUKUR,there were good friends and families always being there for me in times of my needs,my boss also my best friend,my colleagues,my mum,my only brother TOMMY,my sons and daughters,my family here and overseas and most of all my tower of strength,my darling wife INA.
In 2009, about 3 weeks after ending my treatments, I was feeling like my old self again, but I was also aware that the world around me still appeared
to be thick and joyless. I couldn't help but feel that the universe needed to be healed. There seemed to be
so much negative influence in conversations. People appeared to be expecting the worst of each other. I
noticed a great deal of criticism, cynicism and sarcasm. I became concerned that the repetition and
exaggeration of negativity would expand and grow.
I had in the meantime, turned my life around. I had cleanse myself and I had reclaimed my joy. I found myself compelled
to add this energy into the atmosphere. Change does not come with one giant action. Change comes by
one person picking up one other. 2 people pick up 4 and then 4 pick up 16. One act of kindness, a word
of encouragement or simply a hug. Too often, we feel we have too little to offer so we do nothing. It only
takes one person, one voice or one hand extended to start a chain reaction.
With this understanding, I decided to put a few of my health knowledge and insights onto my blog, I
felt at the time it was only a small step, but I believed that if there was anyone out there in need of this
information, then surely I should make it available.
I am not alone in wanting peace,health and happiness or in believing that it is possible. I may have started out as only one voice
with one hand extended, but there are hands across the world now joining together. We all want health,
peace and happiness. We long to connect and belong. The spirit within will always strive to fly.
I believe that our perception of the world may have changed, but our hearts have not.We all want to live happy, healthy,safe,harmonious and treat our homes and our living to be like heaven on earth.INSYAALLAH,GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.
