My father was a bit of a raconteur so there were very few stories that we
hadn’t heard before. If anything, we had heard the same stories over and over
so many times that we would have known them verbatim, except that he was
also such an exaggerator, that with each repetition the stories became bigger
and more colourful. Still, we didn’t really mind, as he filled in a lot of family
history and we knew him well enough to sort out the black and white version
of his colourful tales.In his final year I spent most weekends sitting or lying on his bed and we would
talk. He had reached a point where he had accepted the inevitable, and as a
muslim his beliefs had him well prepared. I also think that his age, and the
fact that his body was so frail, had him feeling quite comfortable with it all. He
had time to do the things he needed or wanted to do and the opportunity to
say what needed to be said. He was at peace with himself.My father’s stories used to imply how much he knew, how brave and
masculine he was, how proud he was of his ability to work and support his
family. Things were always right or wrong, and he was the Patriarch and that
made him ‘King of the Castle’. I always thought that he was sure of himself
and I believed that he always felt that he was in control.When I wanted to know why my father did something in a way that seemed to
me to be totally unacceptable, he would often respond with, “That’s just the
way things are done”. I never found this an acceptable explanation. I noticed
that many of his generation used that phrase. It seems to me that my father’s
generation and all of the generations before him had a very strong mind set
about continuing to follow the old ways, regardless of whether or not they
thought them correct.
My father’s father used to cane him as a way of teaching him good behaviour.
“Spare the rod and spoil the child,” he would say. Caning was also the
punishment for bad behaviour when I attended school. We called it ‘Caning’
back then, but the principle was the same. These days we refer to it as ‘Child
Abuse’ and it is punishable by law. My father’s generation did not appear to question or challenge. My generation
is probably the first to really challenge the old ways of doing things. The
generation coming behind me has really turned things up-side down. The
generation coming through now are asking all the right questions and
demanding better solutions. If we all do away with blame, focus on our own
input and take care with our choices, things can only get better and better. If
we can’t forgive, let us try at least to understand and accept what went before.In his final year, through listening to his stories, I vicariously relived my father’s
childhood with him as the child and me as his best friend.FATHER, I THANK YOU FOR THE TIME YOU GAVE ME.INSYAALAH,He instilled in us strong ethical beliefs and reinforced
the importance of self-esteem We have no tolerance for class or race
discrimination. My father’s controlling and domineering traits taught us to stand
up for ourselves, think for ourselves and fight a good fight.MAY YOU REST IN PEACE,INSYAALLAH.GOD BLESS AND AMEEN.
