2Hrs b4 race one sunday at KL
LOOKING OUT MY BALCONY early hrs of the monday morning




I am a very tired man tired of the yoyo feeling of CHEMO, tired of the side effects,tired of having no taste ,tired of the pain in the gums,tired of taking medications,tired of the blood tests,tired of 8 hrs of CHEMO,tired of the next treatment of 5days radiation for 5 to 6 weeks,tired of worrying if the cancer is gone or coming back or ?????????,questions i asked myself on waking up.Iam tired of the word CANCER 24 HRS A DAY.That's why i put up the image from my balcony just looking out and wondering the peace,tranquility and the stillness before the breaking of dawn.Its so peaceful,the only thing that is not calm and peaceful is my emotions and the games my mind is playing,a good part of me says ok that's enough,enough of treatment enough of pain enough of side effects enough enough enough come what may i am not going back to the hospital,not going for the bloodtest,not going for the final CHEMO,NOT GOING FOR THE RADIATION.I am tired,it must be the pain i have in my gums,cramps in my leg and the sensitive attitude that comes with being sick with a serious illness.I need to focus and return to fighting mode b4 i lose the will to fight on.Have you ever ran the marathons? (My Boss David MCgillivray has ran the COMRADES MARATHONS IN SOUTH AFRICA)where you start full of spirits,strength and vigour,then as you go the will starts to dissapear and as it gets closer to the final leg you feel you want to give up because the finishing line is so near but so far and you muster the last once of energy to try and complete then its no more physical strength and your mind takes over and plays merry hell,then you start praying and you turn to your loved ones and your friends and see them urging you on then you asked yourself the big question shall i go on ? I now recollect my boss words of his fight to finish the marathon and i try to remain calm and gather my thoughts and try to focus. PRAY FOR ME ,I NEED THE STRENGTH..ITS NOT EASY ITS NOT EASY AND ITS NOT EASY. its war killed or to be killed,any other words besides fight, survival, can quality of remaining life be a substitute.For the time being i must focus focus insyaallah. GOD WILLING .